Sunday 24 April 2016

Hey Blogger, When Will You Stop Blogging?



It has been 3 years since you started torturing the world with your blog. Well, if not the world, India, or at least the Indiblogger. Don’t you think enough is enough now?

Have you ever considered stopping? If not, let me give you some reasons.

There Is No Reason For You To Blog
This is the very first reason for you to stop blogging. Try stopping it and see what happens. The world will continue to function as it is. The earth will continue to revolve without any change in its axis of tilt, 23 and half degree that is! Nothing will happen to the Sun, Moon and even that recently discovered planet Kepler 62F.


Change The World? Huh!
You said you started blogging to bring about a change in the world. Do reconsider. Was it actually to bring a Flipkart voucher and Motorola G2 through Indiblogger contests? Admit it.

And now when the purpose is over, why keep blogging? (You throw your boarding pass in the dustbin as soon as you land at the airport. Don’t you?)

And for your information, Indiblogger has stopped contests and Happy hours now. So, what are you waiting for? Close the lid now.


You Need To Express Your Creativity? Oh, Really?
Okay. So you thought you are creative. Your mom and dad told you this, your third grade teacher told you, a subordinate in your office told you, and  you keep on telling yourself everyday while seeing in the mirror. Now why do you want more and more people to tell you the same thing again and again?  Give them a break, man! The guy at your grocery store doesn’t care about your creativity, neither does your milkman, barber, mechanic, carpenter, boss, spouse and kids. Believe me, they have better things to do than be bothered about your creativity.


There Is No Money In It, Honey!
Admit it, when you started you thought some day you would make lots of money from it. That didn’t happen, and you found that a plumber gets paid better than a blogger.

Look, people would pay up to get their leaking tap fixed rather than to read the poem you wrote. Need I say more?


Blog Or Do?
There are two types of people in the world- ones who blog and ones who do. And ‘blogging’ is not ‘doing’ (mostly).


What? Did I hear you say that you spread awareness about issues by blogging? Come on, it’s like writing recipe of an exotic dish for the starving people of Somalia. Your blogging about Nepal Earthquake didn’t help anyone, but you friend who donated blood, saved a life. You blogged, while he did.


Free-up Some Internet Space, Buddy!
The internet is already a congested space. With millions and millions of people adding their blogs everyday, there is hardly any storage space left in the servers of the world for other useful things. And if you insist on knowing what is “useful”, have the courage to hear that “everything that is not connected with your blog” is useful.


So why not consider freeing up some space now? And no, you won’t disappoint half the world’s population you think comprises of your readers. Rather, you would end up giving some rest to the bots from Estonia, Alaska, Latvia, and New Jersey who visit your blog.


So come on, just try it! Stop blogging now and you’ll discover a new world around you. Keep the keyboard aside, read a book, play with your kids, smell the roses, look at the lilies. (And do whatever you want to do, but just don’t blog about it, please!)


And when the show ends, I would be the one to clap the hardest!


Me talking to me.

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This post is written for following prompt in Indiblogger-

“Tell us your blogging story. When did you start? Why did you start?”

Posted by Jay Neog under Memoirs
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Sunday 17 April 2016

Fick This Fiction!!!!!!!



Some of my favourite fiction and how they impacted me.


The Election Manifestos
By- Politicians of India,  and the world
Published- Gets published generally every 5 years in contries with electoral democracy including India. 


It reads something like this-

Our party ***** under the leadership of ****** is committed to the upliftement of every Indian (or Ethopian or Cambodian or Bulgarian) and lead them to a heaven called Utopia.


Some examples are-
 1970s- Garibi Hatao (Eradicate poverty)- Yes. And the authors of this fiction eradicated their own poverty first.
1990s- Towards 21st Century- Yeah, we reached to 21st century as promised by them, though not because of them, but despite them.


How it impacted me- Increased my vocabulary. Earlier I never knew that ‘progress’ actually means swelling of their bank accounts.     



The Glorious Past Of India
By- Various (narcissists) Indians

This book claims that the ancient India had airplanes, missiles, cure for AIDS, television, wireless telephony, and  nuclear weapons; and that too at a time when the world was struggling to invent a wheel!!

Image courtesy ancient-origins.net

Oky, but what happened to the infinite knowledge we possessed? Did the aliens, scared of India’s prowess, landed here and erased the memory of our ancient scientists? Or were they abducted by aliens and taken to planet “Humgoo”?


The problem with this fiction is that a large number of people believe in it and any voice of reason against it is considered “traitorous”.



The Glorious Future Of India
By The Daydreamers

This book of fiction says soon India will be a superpower. When I was in school, they said this will happen in the year 2000. Then they said it would be in 2015. Now they say that in 2050 India will take over world’s economy.  The present superpowers USA and China will then bow before India and beg for mercy.


Image Courtesy - Slideshare

Oh yeah! Looks like to turn the statement “India will become a superpower” into realty, every country like China, or Sweden, or Brazil or Germany will have to be renamed as “India”.


How it impacted me- Made me regret why I wasn’t born in ancient times, or why didn’t I waited to be born till 2050!     



We Bring You The World Class Technology And Products
By- The Marketers

The ‘product’ could be anything- A washing machine, an Air-conditioner, a hair dryer or even a shampoo. Authored by some IIM educated marketer, this piece of fiction claims that a particular product is a revolutionary one, invented after years of research, probably by from NASA.


When they say ‘World Class’, they aren’t wrong. The shampoo could have been made from a toxic by-product generated during making of a detergent in USA but deported to India due to the stringent disposal laws there.


How it impacted me- Makes me wonder why my world class products bring me world class headaches by going boink soon!



Sale - Discount up to 99%
By The Marketers

This classic is from the same authors- ‘The Marketers’. The central theme of this fiction is the discount being offered on various good no one needs, like thirty, forty, fifty, ninety , and ninetynine point nine percent. (It’s a pity that they couldn’t offer more than 100% discount, just because of the very definition of percentage).


Upon reading this type of fiction, my faith in humanity gets restored. Some philanthropic guy out there is offering superb products at throwaway prices to me instead of his brother-in-law, his friend, his neighbour’s wife, his boss, and the boss’s sister in law.


How it impacted me- Makes me wonder why my house is stuffed with goods I most often ‘forget’ to use!



The Happiness Spreaders
By The caring and happiness spreading MNCs


“We at **** Cola are committed the environment and health of people. Our deep concern for the precious resource of the earth and it's environment is deeply rooted in our philosophy and hence we run our business in environment friendly and sustainable manner. Behind every drop of ****Cola, is our genuine concern for your health.”


And then the authors proceed to suck the earth dry of its ground water in order to fill millions of bottles with coloured chemicals marketed as elixir for happiness.


How it impacted me- Make me feel guilty that I am depriving myself  of the ultimate happiness they sell in bottles by sticking to my nimbu-paani and butter-milk.



The Social Activism
By The NGOs

“We are committed to show genuine concern for the society we live in and to our CSR polies are a means give back to the society……bhah bhah


Give me a break. When you mean society, it’s some forum which provides you an opportunity to flash your name all over the place. And when you ‘give’, you do it in full glare of media and surrounded with flashbulbs.


How it impacted me- Made me feel guilty that I never made any donations to them but just paid my taxes fairly, that too without any flash-bulbs around.



The Winning Speech At Beauty Pageants
By- Miss India, Miss World, Miss Universe


"My dream is to use this title of miss India/World/Universe bestowed on me to help the world’s poor and hungry, downtrodden and helpless, and teach the world the virtues of sharing and caring" etc. etc.


Yeah, and what better way to achieve this than to start dancing around in Bollywood flicks!


How it impacted me- I attained the divine knowledge that to help the world’s poor, you need to be a 36-24-36 figure.


And now, my most favourite one

Oo la la la la le o, Oo la la la la le o


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This post is written on following prompt in Indiblogger


Which fiction author's book/novel you like most? Why?
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